Here We Go
by zephyrchild
Summary: How can she resist her now? With everything that has happened? Why should she try? Another missing pieces fic centering around Cosima and Delphine, and Cosima's decline. Companion fic to Hold On. NSFW.
1. Chapter 1

The sheets are messed up, they lie sweaty and entangled on Felix's bed, Delphine still panting from her last orgasm. Cosima is so done fighting this. It's more obvious than ever that Cosima cannot think with Delphine's tongue in her mouth, with Delphine hands on her skin, with Delphine's hips bucking up to envelop her fingers. It's still difficult to think with Delphine's arms simply wrapped around her as she catches her breath.

"C'était trop..." Delphine gasps softly in disbelief, between breaths.

She's grinning into the sweet skin of Delphine's neck, "Hmmm?" She hums back waiting for a response.

It had started with a kiss to her own neck and they'd quickly made their way to the bed. She could not deny her desire for Delphine. Not when they kissed frantically on the couch, or made their way to bed, shedding most of Delphine's clothes and a few of her own on the way. Not when Delphine moaned Cosima's name into her ear as she entered her. Cosima wants to laugh, in some ways it's ridiculous. She's crazy about Delphine, who still has no clue how to touch her. All clumsy unsure hands and slightly too long nails. Delphine who cries out softly for her, cupping her cheek with her hand and holding her eyes as she fucks her. Except, it has never felt like just fucking. Cosima knows already it won't be with Delphine - it will never be that simple.

"Too much." Delphine clarifies, breath unsteady.

Cosima's words are muffled into skin, "Nah... three isn't that many, you could have more."

Delphine's arms still cling around her, she's mumbling to her in French again, and Cosima doesn't understand a damn word she's saying but she never wants to move. Ever. She remembers a TED talk by Helen Fisher on love. Not an emotion, but a drive - a need. The ability to size up a potential mate within moments. Is that what this is? No one has ever felt as good as Delphine. A simple touch of her hand is stimulating, almost electric. When she's inside her, it's nearly overwhelming. This is more than just an affirmation of life. She's done that before, after her Opa died she'd had a close friend in her bed within a week. What a disaster that had been - there had been little true chemistry. It's not like that with Delphine, it never will be. She's going to drown in this.

Cosima groans softly, not wanting to move her face from the crook of Delphine's neck.

Delphine kisses her temple and she sighs audibly, snuggling into her, wanting to feel as much skin as possible. Cosima could drown in this, happily.  
>Cosima removes her face from Delphine's neck to look at her again, but she doesn't move off of her, doesn't move to separate their bodies at all. They're not completely undressed, though at least this time Delphine's underwear are on the floor.<p>

She's eternally grateful to whatever weird physiological need keeps them pressed belly to belly on this bed. Cosima would happily spend the rest of her life pressed against Delphine like this. It's undeniable - they are compatible. Their bodies want each other. Even Delphine's had known, from its reactions the first night they spent together. The way she responded to Cosima's touch, the tenderness of it all.

It feels like more then that though, Delphine stroking her face, breath evening out for now, "Cosima? You're so quiet."

"You're really comfy." Cosima responds, "I might fall asleep on you if we're not careful."

Delphine smiles, "Good. I don't mind..."

"How do you feel?" Cosima asks gently rolling her hips down into Delphine's. She knows what she is really asking: are you satisfied, do you want more? Want me?

"Tes hanches... your hips..." Delphine's eyes close, obviously enjoying it, "There's no point to this but..."

Cosima grins, rolling her hips more noticeably, "It turns you on?"

"Oui." Delphine answers, stroking at her face, rolling her own hips upwards to meet hers. They move like that for several long moments, eyes locked and breathing heavy.

"You feel good." Cosima whispers against Delphine's lips, "Almost too good."

Delphine croons at her, "Dis-moi... what do you need?"

Cosima doesn't doubt for a minute that Delphine will do whatever she asks her to; that Delphine wants to touch - but that's not what she wants right now. Cosima glances around, "Are those candles?" There are tons of them in this room. Damn Felix has tons of them.

"I think so." Delphine flops back on the bed contentedly, taking deep breaths. Cosima wriggles out of Delphine's arms and hops to her feet.

Cosima wants it to be more than this, she fumbles around the room lighting candles with Felix's lighter. She smiles at Delphine, still lying on the bed with wobbly limbs.

Is this romance? Love? With a side-dish of deception? She's such an idiot when it comes to Delphine. Her monitor in the bed, looking up at her like she's wonderful. Can she trust Delphine? Her words? Her body? Cosima wants to believe her, desperately.  
>It wasn't supposed to happen again, not here at Felix's loft, in his bed. Not after their fight, a cheap flight to Buffalo and a greyhound to Toronto was supposed to get her away from Delphine - and her own insatiable, inexplicable need for her. Not after Delphine's betrayal. That is what she told herself when Delphine hopped a plane to Toronto and insisted on coming to see her. When Delphine reached out to touch her, helping her with the genome and its damn patent. Patented... that is difficult to forget, even now. So was being sick- the shortness of breath, the trouble breathing that finally had a known cause unrelated to her enthusiasm for marijuana. Though, she probably shouldn't have been self-medicating with pot as much as she had been...<p>

Her mind spins through possible scenarios: her clone-sisters, Leekie, DYAD, Delphine...  
>Cosima assures herself, she can do both - protect her sisters, have Delphine - she'll have to be careful, that's all. She can do that much, she turns to see Delphine smiling at her, lying on the bed still blissed out from the passion they had shared.<p>

Cosima crawls back on to the bed, candles now flickering around Felix's bed. It's almost perfect - Delphine in candlelight, on Felix's bed. Shit... Cosima makes a mental note to change and wash the sheets. She will at least pay for the laundry, she decides quickly.  
>She's quickly distracted by the fact that Delphine is still breathless and naked except for that black bra.<p>

"You okay?" She asks, stroking at Delphine's long legs, enjoying the smooth skin, the smell of her. Delphine reeks of sex now. Cosima muffles a moan leaning in to kiss a knee.

"Yes." Delphine is laughing and smiling, this is what she wanted. Exactly this. "Come back up here." Her laughter is still the most thrilling thing Cosima has ever heard.

Cosima hums in her throat. She means to move up to kiss Delphine, it's probably what she's expecting. Not to mention she doesn't want Delphine to feel obligated to return the favour.

Instead she abruptly buries her face between Delphine's thighs, she's still deliciously slick. Cosima presses gently suckling kisses against slick flesh, lapping contentedly at the arousal she finds there. Dark wet curls press into her face, her nose, and she cannot get enough. It's never going to be enough. She'll be coated in Delphine when she's done, it's fitting, perfect really.  
>Delphine moans loudly, hips thrashing up in surprise, "You want to do that... now?"<p>

Reluctantly, she removes her mouth from Delphine's sex long enough to answer. "Yes." Cosima purrs, "So much." Her mouth returns to work Delphine gently, deliberately. She holds quivering thighs steady with her arms. She continues, bent on building Delphine up for another release.

Delphine is loud when she tastes her, moaning like she's not used to this. Like no one has ever done this to her properly. Maybe ever. Cosima knows too well how strangely squeamish men can be. She needs to do this slowly, tenderly... Convince Delphine that she smells amazing, tastes amazing...

You're going to come in my mouth, Cosima thinks, sucking gently, glancing up Delphine's body to get a look at her face. She feels Delphine's hips buck up into her mouth despite her best efforts to keep still. Delphine is gripping her head, one hand clutching desperately at dreads, shaking with effort to keep her hips still.

Cosima guides Delphine's hips to move with her hands, she hums encouragingly, letting Delphine move however she wants to.

"Cosima..." She hears her name in a muddle of desperate moans she cannot quite make out with soft thighs clamped around her ears.

Delphine looks concerned for her... it's sweet really. It's okay, she tries to communicate wordlessly, I like this, I want this. Delphine tastes sweet, and she cannot get enough. Cosima still aches; but this eases it - Delphine's orgasm will be enough to satisfy her, for now.

Delphine tenses easily beneath her, her entire body tightening, shuddering and moaning loudly as she climaxes. It looks intense to Cosima, who grins, moaning with her. She waits, lapping gently at Delphine before kissing up her body. Cosima hesitates, she should probably wipe off her face - just in case. But Delphine has pulled her up into her arms before she can.

"Wow." Delphine pants, looking up at her dazed, sheets messed up around them. Her hair is a glorious curly mess, and the way she looks makes Cosima want to duck her head back down.

Why stop? Cosima considers it, four orgasms isn't that many... but she's tired, more tired than she wants to admit. Her longer-than-desired period of celibacy pre-Delphine had hidden her decreasing stamina from her... How can she be worn out already?

"Not used to cunnilingus?" Cosima says it sadly, it's a shame. It makes her want to give more to Delphine. She licks her lips enjoying the taste of Delphine lingering in her mouth.

"It was never... like that." Delphine is grinning madly now, her hair completely mussed. Delphine leans into kiss her before hesitating, glancing down at her wet mouth.

"I can go wash up." Cosima volunteers abruptly, "If you're not comfortable with..." She grabs the sheets and wipes off her mouth quickly letting the red sheet drop the rest of the way to to the floor. Oh well.

"Non." Delphine tells her, dragging her in for a long kiss. She knows Delphine can taste herself, but she doesn't seem to mind. And when Delphine cradles her with her body, wrapping her arms and legs around Cosima, it's just so perfect.

Cosima tangles her fingers in curly hair, and kisses sweetly until Delphine stops her. Bringing her down slowly, easing off for the night.

"I should take blood samples before I fall asleep." Delphine pants at her, having broken the kiss, "You are wearing me out, ma chérie."

"Good." Cosima answers, "Blood samples? Like doing the draw yourself? But you're not like a medical doctor, are you?" This is news, unexpected.

"Yes." Delphine answers breathing heavily.

"With a PhD in immunology?"

Delphine nods at her from beneath her body, "Yes."

Cosima shakes her head laughing, "Did you have a personal life?" How lonely has Delphine been? Had that been her life? School and then DYAD?

Delphine simply shrugs, "I was very busy, and in Europe you don't need a master's degree for a PhD. Masters are for arts, PhDs for sciences... it's not as much school as you think."

"Yeah just bachelor's degree followed by med school and a PhD. Holy shit," Cosima laughs, "It took me ages to just finish my master's. I stopped and restarted twice. You are amazing, do you know that?" Cosima shakes her head again, she's not easily impressed, but Delphine... Easily her intellectual equal, but so much more... driven?

"Do you want me to..." Delphine lets her voice trail off, looking down at Cosima's lace underwear. What exactly is she offering? Her hand? Her mouth? Cosima doesn't want to start thinking about it - the mere suggestion of Delphine's fingers inside her makes her clench slightly, she shakes off the thought. She's tired, it's been a long day - Delphine is too tentative, not tonight. She can't even say it... that's not a good sign.

"No... not now... I need a little break." Cosima explains gently, hoping this doesn't offend more. She can feel the insecurity radiating off Delphine any time she tries to touch her. Cosima knows far too well that this is her fault. For catching her hand and pulling it away, for telling her 'it showed'.  
>Delphine nods, "Alright. Blood samples it is."<p>

"Umm okay. Should I throw a shirt on?" Cosima points at her own bra and underwear.

"If you want... I'll go get my bag." Delphine stumbles off the bed, Cosima looks over in satisfaction, seeing that Delphine is not quite steady on her feet as she throws on a sweater from her bag and digs for medical equipment. She's suddenly reminded of the truth of the situation. Could Delphine have done blood draws on her by herself? While she slept? Was that the plan? She wouldn't need a team in her apartment to do that.

Cosima gets to her own feet, searching for her own clothes, a blue shirt to throw back over her head. It's cold in the loft, and she doesn't want to feel that vulnerable.

Out of bed, she remembers again. Delphine works for Leekie. Monitoring her for DYAD. The patent and barcode in her DNA. Shit.

**  
>The blood draw finished, she's tugged Delphine down on the bed again. She pulls the sweater off her shoulders, just the black bra in her way now. She wants Delphine naked, bare to her. She's fucked Delphine, but she's still never seen her breasts.<p>

Cosima runs her fingers along the straps, "Do you not like having them touched?" Is that it? She asks, wondering. Could she ask for Delphine to take it off if she promised not to touch? Not to take them into her mouth? Not to stay stuck on there all night?  
>"Quoi?" Delphine's brow furrows again, "You can touch anything you want."<p>

Cosima smiles, reaching her hand behind Delphine and quickly unclasping the bra, pulling it off and tossing it aside revealing pale pink nipples and round firm breasts.

Cosima grazes the side of a breast with her hand, stroking deliberately, teasingly. She dips her head to take a nipple into her mouth briefly, releasing it before Delphine's hands push her away.

"What is it?" Cosima asks.

"Take this off." Delphine insists, hands pulling at the shirt she'd thrown over her head to keep warm during the blood draw. It lands on the floor on the pile of red sheets. Cosima pulls Delphine down on top of her, enjoying the sensation of her warm weight, her bare skin.

Delphine's hand slides slowly down her arm, testing her skin. She wonders for a moment if Delphine will try to touch her, if she'll let her... She catches Delphine's hand in her own, playing with her delicate fingers. Though, she notices that their hands are almost the same size.

"Do you not want to be touched?" Delphine asks confused.

Cosima shakes her head, "I do, but let's take this slower." She reaches back and unclasps her bra with the same hand. But it is Delphine's hands that guide the fabric off her arms, and toss it aside.

Delphine giggles, "Oh."

"What is it?" Cosima looks up at her, feeling exposed and more than a little cold.

"You're... they're smaller than I expected. Your breasts." Delphine clarifies, hands running over newly exposed skin, avoiding her rapidly hardening nipples.

"Push-up bras." Cosima admits with a grin, "Disappointed?"

"No, not at all." Delphine is looking at her, letting her eyes skim over bare skin, her tongue darts out subconsciously to lick her lips.

Cosima guides Delphine's hand over her breast, pressing it firmly against her body, "Do you want to touch me?"  
>"How?" Delphine's question is breathy, pressing her palm willingly into Cosima's breast.<p>

Cosima shakes her head, "You're going to have to figure it out." Delphine has to want to figure it out, to try...

"I don't know how to please you." Delphine's voice is sad, almost desperate, and for a moment Cosima is worried that she's going to start crying again.

"You do please me." Cosima insists, "Everything we have done pleases me." She thinks of other things she could say - that she's so wet, so turned on, so delighted with this as is. Cosima thinks better of it.

Delphine is far too distraught over this, "I've never... you didn't get anything."  
>"I don't care." Cosima yanks Delphine in for a long kiss, pressing their breasts together, listening to her little whimpers.<p>

"What should I do?" Delphine asks again, propping herself up above Cosima.

She thinks for a moment, "Cuddle and sleep?" Cosima offers finally.

"No I want to ... you must need..." Delphine bites at her lip.

"Here." Cosima adjusts guiding Delphine's thigh between her legs, "Press into me like that." It's easy, and kind of adolescent - but it would give Delphine a taste of what it's like. Of how much this does it for Cosima, of how much she does it for Cosima.

Delphine does as she's told, is she used to being instructed through sex? The idea seems strange to Cosima. She could instruct Delphine if she has to...

Delphine groans into her mouth, "You're so warm..."  
>"Yeah." Cosima meets her lips, urging Delphine to rock into her, "I'm too tired to really get anywhere... but we can do this for a while."<p>

"Okay." Delphine breathes into her mouth, rocking gently, movements gradually slowing down as they both succumb to exhaustion.

Cosima wakes the next morning to find herself wrapped around Delphine like she's a human body pillow.

"Morning."

"Morning... I have to go. The DYAD event is tonight and I have to get ready."

"Okay." Cosima releases Delphine from her arms.

"Just think about coming with me. Please." Delphine takes a moment to grab her hand before stepping away to dress and gather her things.

"Okay. I'll think about it. But... I don't think..." Cosima lets herself trail off. Things are complicated again - least they're still alone in the loft... she better get dressed herself and at least throw the sheets back onto the bed.

She finds herself watching Delphine get dressed, grinning at her. Yeah, she's screwed, Cosima admits silently to herself.

"Do you want me to like call you a cab?" She offers hopefully.


	2. Chapter 2

The text read, meet me at DYAD's front steps. 9:30 am. Cosima glanced up towards the building. She'd left her stuff at Felix's loft, tucked out of the way as to not disturb Felix or his clients. She definitely cannot stay there during the day.  
>She sees Delphine, waiting for her just inside the door, she's about to go up to meet her when Delphine begins descending the stairs towards her with a wave.<p>

"I was worried you wouldn't show." Delphine grabs her hand, Cosima notices Delphine looking her over.

"It's me this time, see? Real dreads." Cosima demonstrates grabbing at her dreads and shaking them at her.

Delphine smiles, "I know. I realized Sarah wasn't you. Though Leekie didn't, so be careful what you say."

"How long did Sarah fool you for?" Cosima asks, she wants to know. How close attention is Delphine paying to her? Does she notice everything?

"A couple minutes." Delphine admits, "I knew something was wrong, then I realized - wasn't you."

She tries changing the subject, "You know, Sarah still has a headache from wearing my glasses - there's a prism on the left side - I have an astigmatism. It's not even that severe myopia - metre away and things start getting slightly blurry. I think they still made Sarah nauseous, with the prism and everything. "

Delphine reads the situation accurately, "Cosima. It won't be so bad, I promise."

"You told me he was a liar." Leekie. She's going to have to deal with him now. Her own duality: Cosima the scientist impressed with his work, Cosima the experiment in danger from his lack of ethics.  
>Delphine nods quickly, taking her hand and leading her up the stairs, "Yes. He is."<p>

"So what do we know?"

"We know nothing about Sarah's con or attack on Rachel. You sign your contract, we use DYAD." Delphine answered distractedly, "Just let Aldous talk - he loves the sound of his own voice. He won't ask you much."

Aldous? How well does Delphine know Leekie anyways? A creeping feeling inside her suggests 'much too well' as a response. Cosima brushes away the thought as Delphine gets her a guest pass and leads her down to wherever they are meeting.

"You don't actually like him, do you?" Cosima asks tentatively. Please say you don't buy into his bullshit, Cosima wants to beg.  
>Delphine simply presses a finger to her lips and shakes her head, guiding her into the meeting room? Office? Whatever it is.<p>

**  
>Rachel is cold, her opposite in many ways. But they both injure with words, verbally sparring. I think I won, Cosima muses, staring at the no doubt highly edited genome in her hands. Will it even be enough to get what she needs? Should she try to convince Sarah to give her a blood sample or a cheek swab to have it run again? Against her own probably.<p>

Rachel leaves her with her thoughts, and a new task for which she will need Scott's help. Cosima knows she cannot trust the geneticists here. But, DYAD already knows she's sick. University GP? Unlikely, Cosima wants to believe it but she knows - Delphine has already betrayed her. She must have gone to DYAD almost immediately to hand it over, left her at the loft and promptly handed over her blood sample to Leekie. It's messy, and it's stupid, Delphine must have known she'd figure it out - how could she not if she's at DYAD too?

She guesses that she'll have to spend time trying to figure out why Sarah is fertile and they're not. Not exactly her first priority right now. An MRI? No, Cosima decides, not yet. Confront Delphine? Cosima finds herself gesturing pointlessly in the air, looking down at the results from her blood test. Not good, but then again, she already knew that. Coughing up blood was much harder to ignore than difficulty breathing, coughing and the odd painful feeling in her lungs she chased away with pot.

"Is she gone?" Delphine pokes her head back into their lab. Their empty under-furnished lab. Betrayer or not, her heart jumps in her chest, the weird high feeling of just being around Delphine kicks back in. It's not right, it's violating... fuck it.

"Yup. Rachel's gone." Cosima smiles back, "Here help me catalogue what we actually have in here." She's going to let it go, for now... Delphine's job is with DYAD, and now- so is hers.

"Alright." Delphine seems frightened, shaken even, "I have something for you - the keycard for your hotel, DYAD is paying."

"Cool." Cosima answers distractedly, not wanting to give anything away just yet.

"How was...Rachel?" Delphine seems terrified. Probably for good reason, Cosima muses.

"It's fine. I'm not scared of Rachel."

"It won't take long to finish the lab, do you want to take lunch first?" Delphine offers, eyes dipping to her mouth and back again.

"Quick lunch to go and back to it?" Cosima offers, "I think we need to figure out how long it's going to take to get this lab up and running."

"Couple days. It won't be long. Dr. Leekie has cleared the expenses. Whatever you want." Delphine smiles gently at her, affectionately - that's real at least. Whether it's 'my special lab rat' or 'my new girlfriend' remains to be seen. Cosima clings to the belief that it's the latter that makes Delphine look at her like that.

"But we can't trust him, you said so." Cosima reminds her.  
>"No, you can never trust him - I never have," Delphine agrees, "But we will get our lab equipment, tomorrow or the day after. And your couch for the chill-zone." Delphine adds with a smile.<p>

"Okay." Cosima nods, "So what else do we need?" Why is she thinking about sex in the lab? There's not even a lab yet! Not to mention Delphine is shady... and fucking amazing... shit.

"I haven't had my own lab before." Delphine's grinning back at her, "I think we should take full advantage of it."

"Spend their money? I'm in. Guess this means I get my rug too." "Yes. Necessary. Expenses are already cleared. Dr. Leekie wants you here very badly." Delphine pauses, "That was what I was for."

Cosima leans back on the table, "Recruiting me to DYAD." Delphine as a lure... the perfect lure. Their monitoring of her life has taught them that much - the bait she couldn't resist. Even if she knew she was being baited... Though, Delphine was straight - maybe she was just supposed to enchant her, help Leekie reel her in.

"Yes. I wasn't... I mean there was no double-blind with me. My job was to befriend you, take you to Leekie and get you to come work for DYAD." Delphine's confessing to her, at least this much. Cosima knows somewhere that it's not quite enough in terms of trust, in terms of honesty- but it's so hard to care.

"Just befriend?" Cosima teases, hands going to Delphine's hips.

"I told you, our relationship can be whatever we want. I don't think Dr. Leekie cares, as for the rest of DYAD? I don't care if they do."

"No?" Fuck, how can Cosima confront her when she's like this? When she makes her feel like this?

"Not at all."

Cosima debates her next words, "Well... what do you want?"

Delphine only smiles, that same damn affectionate look on her face, "You, ma chérie."

Shit, not getting any more uncomplicated. The thrill that thrums through her body whenever she sees Delphine hits some sort of pinnacle. It stupidly doesn't care,Cosima decides to go with it.

"What do you want?" Delphine asks her, "For lunch?"

"Something quick," Cosima stops before adding, "And a nail file." Might as well do that now, before tonight. Somehow she doesn't think she'll be spending the night alone. Or getting high at Felix's loft. If she does not press this with Delphine she can still have the pleasure and comfort of her body, the near-constant joy of her company.

Delphine's expression shifts in to something resembling confusion, "But your nails are already so short..."  
>"It's not for me... it's for you." Cosima tells her as gently as she can.<p>

"Oh..." Delphine blinks, "I'm sorry... is that why you pulled my hand away?" Her cheeks redden slightly and she looks suitably upset. If Cosima cannot confront her about the blood samples - she can at least do this. See some kind of guilt on Delphine's face.

"Yeah." Cosima nods, part of it anyways. She'll still have to keep Delphine out - of the clone club side of things... but not, Cosima reasons, out of everything.


	3. Chapter 3

Her arms and legs are still wrapped around Delphine, who has her pinned against the back of the couch. Delphine is kissing her face as her breathing slows, she coughs slightly into her shoulder, but no blood comes out - thankfully. The only way it could be better is if they were naked, Cosima decides, but makes no movements to remove Delphine's unbuttoned blouse from her shoulders - or her own. She really doesn't want to be that naked in the lab. Not if Leekie or Rachel could come barging in at any moment for all she knows.

"Ma belle Cosima." Delphine whispers between kisses planted haphazardly all over her face as she slips out of her, "I like having you like this."

Cosima wonders what she means. In the lab? Pinned to the couch? With her fingers?

"That was really good." Cosima manages to respond breathlessly. She can't hide how delighted she is with this; Delphine is so eager to please. Cosima shifts, freeing her thighs from being trapped between their bodies.

It's then Cosima notices the wet spot beneath her on the couch. Shit. Why hadn't she thought of that? Maybe she should start bringing a spare towel to work. Lab sex, she giggles at the reality of using their lab for sex. She's aware of the security cameras - probably captured that position particularly well.

"Are you always going to squirt? Do you usually?" Delphine asks unable to contain her curiosity, looking down at her glistening hand and the wet spot on the couch.

"Most of the time with cunnilingus, a lot of the time with fingers. But I can't with a dick inside me - which not going to happen here anyways." Cosima answers honestly launching into her standard explanation. Or a dildo, she thinks... though she'd rather have Delphine's fingers, least for now. "It's involuntary - it's going to keep happening."

"Non?" Delphine pulls back to look at her, but keeps her pinned against the backrest of the couch, "What does it feel like?"  
>"Well, I can't really feel it. You know, most of the time I have no idea if it happened until I see the wet spot or smell it. Or if someone freaks out at me." Cosima runs through memories, mixed reactions to her body's natural responses were common. Least it helped weed out the squeamish and immature.<p>

Delphine nods thinking, "Do I do that?"

"Not really. Not everyone can, but we can try?" Cosima offers, "Though maybe at home, this couch is wet enough." Maybe Delphine can, either way it would be fun to try. Cosima enjoys the fantasy briefly, having Delphine soak through towels, crying out from pleasure, her own mouth and chin slick.

Delphine sighs into her neck, wrapping her arms around her, "We'll get it cleaned."  
>Cosima giggles, "Okay," wrapping her legs tightly around Delphine's waist, "That will be an interesting work order."<p>

Delphine simply shrugs in response and kisses her shoulder.

"So lunch or back to the experiment?" Delphine gestures vaguely towards the lab tables and equipment. One of her own blood cultures being testing against some new experimental drug in a petrie dish less than a few metres away.

"Well, technically, you were still working on the experiment." Cosima reasons, "And a few minutes ago, you were working in the experiment." She knows she's being a smart-ass again, but she's fairly sure Delphine likes it.

"Brat." Delphine pushes herself up off the couch and begins to button her blouse, she tosses Cosima's pants at her before grabbing at one of Cosima's shoes.

Cosima watches her, sitting on the couch, "I don't really want to wear shoes right now." She notices Delphine glancing at her shoe size...great.

"You have big feet." Delphine teases her, "You're small, but your hands and feet are big." Delphine reaches for her pants, tugging them up her legs.

"Hey!" Cosima shoots back, "You weren't complaining about my feet earlier. Or my hands." She adds suggestively, tilting her head, tongue peaking out from between her teeth.

"I don't mind." Delphine makes her way to the sink to wash up, make some semblance of professionalism. Then again, it was Delphine who said it first, 'crazy science' in their new lab.  
>Cosima shoots back over the running water, "Just don't mind?"<p>

"I think your hands are perfect." Delphine tells her without looking back, "Let's wash up a bit."

Cosima sneaks up behind Delphine, wrapping her arms around her waist,"So? I'm guessing lunch?"

"I am very hungry, as usual." Delphine comments. "Are you?"

"Okay, so we eat first?"

"Yes, and call in someone to steam clean the couch." Delphine begins to laugh, gathering her belongings.

After lunch Cosima finds herself procrastinating. It's been two days - two days of scientific research on autoimmune disease and watching Delphine pour through an assortment of medical journals. Well, when they're not fucking in the lab. Or running out to eat.

It feels so possessive, but Cosima likes the idea of Leekie forced to know how much Delphine wants her, what Delphine looks like when she comes for her.

Delphine who iss currently lost contemplating something staring at her computer screen. She considers walking over and plopping herself on Delphine's lab, dragging her down on the carpet or taking her at her desk. Why not again? Who knows how much time she had left?

Cosima glances back at her screen, paused on yet another rewatch of Jennifer's video diaries. An internet browser displaying information on Wegner's, which is yet another autoimmune condition that doesn't match. Why is she even doing this? She's had more than enough, enough of seeing what this illness would do to her. As much as Delphine had reassured her many of Jennifer's ailments and symptoms stemmed from her treatments, it frightens her. Who will want to be near her then? When she's constantly cold and coughing up blood. When her body finally makes her surrender to whatever disease is slowly destroying her from the inside out?

Cosima swivels in her chair, turning to face Delphine, "What are you thinking about?"

"Dinner." Delphine answers honestly from her computer station, "I'm taking a break and looking at recipes."

"So did you cook for the men you've lived with?" Is this just Delphine's thing? Drawing people into a world of food and sex and pleasure? Cosima can cook, a little, but she doesn't nearly as often as she should.

Delphine's eyebrows shoot up, "You've lived with other people? Like cohabitation not just roommates?"

"Yeah, twice, haven't you?" Cosima shoots back. Hasn't everyone by their age?

"No." Delphine answers simply. It surprises her, that Delphine who had so willingly invited her into her home, who oozed domesticity when they were alone together had never done this before?

Cosima brushes it off, "It didn't last long. One was last year of my bio degree - I lived with Kevin for about eight months before we split - mostly due to my grad school plans. And I lived with Hannah for six months between grad school attempts. We just weren't a good match."

"Oh." Delphine looks down, has she hurt her? Is she jealous?

"But it wasn't serious. It wasn't even a good idea. We weren't getting married or anything permanent. It was saving on rent and fucking mostly. Plus, neither of them could cook. We wasted so much money eating out." Cosima remarks remembering, they'd been largely disasters. Least with Delphine she already knows what the problems are - knows where she's most likely to be betrayed. At least with Delphine, they get each other, it all fits.

"Cooking isn't hard - I just follow recipes. If you can read, you can cook." Delphine brushes her off modestly.

"Apparently not. Or I just date the very lazy." Cosima swings in her chair, "What were you working on, before the food?"

"Autoimmune research."

"More questions than answers? Man I am starting to think that whatever this is is artificial, designed - probably based on a few things."

"Quite possibly." Delphine sighs, burying her face in her hands, "I'm looking at reproductive disorders next; PCOS, endometriosis, uterine fibroids. We should book you for a pelvic ultrasound. Look for similarities. Or we could do a biopsy on the growths? There's one for Jennifer, but we could repeat it?" Delphine glances over at her, looking for some kind of reaction.

Cosima cannot resist sarcasm in her response, "Sounds like fun." She glances over at the recently steam cleaned and probably damp couch. Maybe she could convince Delphine to let her take her on the rug again.

"What are your menstrual cycles like?" Delphine asks the question casually, but Cosima knows that every word she says will be written down and poured over later, compared to other conditions.

She keeps it brief as she can, no details, "Long, irregular, anovulatory, kind of painful."

"What do you do for the pain?"

Cosima smirks, "What do you think?" She mimes smoking a joint.

"Oh. Marijuana. Of course." Delphine nods, "I should get you a medical marijuana license."

"Well Delphine, I'm doing it anyways. Well not recently, I promise, but I did get a vapourizer." Cosima volunteers the information helpfully.  
>The sound of Delphine's phone ringing interrupts her plans, "Dr. Cormier."<p>

"Who is it?" Cosima asks, already knowing the answer.

"It's Aldous... Dr. Leekie." Delphine corrects herself looking at her phone, "I should go, it won't be long."

"Isn't he still away?" Cosima shoots back, "I thought he was overseas again?"

"I don't know." Delphine gathers some of her belongings and heads for the door, "I'll be back as soon as I can." Delphine doubles back to plant a quick peck on her lips before rushing out the door.

"Okay." Cosima answers, eyes still fixated on Jennifer's face. Cosima hates when Delphine calls him Aldous, it implies a greater familiarity than she wants to think about. Even worse is the way Leekie looks at Delphine. It's too familiar, like he's already sampled the menu. Cosima brushes off the train of thought, she doesn't want to go there. She doesn't want to know. Not if it would compromise whatever this is she has with Delphine. Would she still want Delphine if her suspicions were confirmed? Having a past is one thing, but Leekie? Ugh. Cosima shudders, suppressing a mental image from forming.

She tries distracting herself, reading about reproductive disorders, writing a quick email to her dad, but her mind returns to Leekie and Delphine. What is she telling him? About the blood? The tests? Their sex life? Her psychological state? How long has Delphine been gone anyways?

Why would Delphine even do that? She doesn't seem to even like Leekie, apart from his research papers. There's a kind of scientific admiration there, but sometimes Cosima swears Delphine is intimidated by him. She's certainly shocked whenever Cosima sasses him, or calls his bullshit. Her mind conjures images of Delphine and Leekie entwined, Cosima gags at the thought. Gagging makes her cough and she reaches for a tissue to conceal the blood.

Gradually, her lungs relax, the spasms stop. She breathes deeply as she can, ignoring the near-constant ache in her lungs. Cosima paces, gesturing, almost dancing to try to clear her mind. She grabs the blanket to wrap herself in, it's cold in the lab. Or she's losing the ability to maintain her own body heat. Never a good sign.

Could Delphine even legally consent? Leekie is her boss, her direct supervisor... She finds herself searching relevant Canadian Law on google, looking for some kind of distraction with Jennifer's voice going in the background.

I've had my fist inside her, Cosima reminds herself, I've filled her... Delphine is so willing to be vulnerable with her. That must mean something, even if Delphine had been fucking her boss. Or as Canadian Law would have it, being raped by her boss... She's not sure if that's better or worse.  
>No, Cosima tells herself, never going to ask. It can't still be happening, could it? They don't really spend enough time apart, Cosima reasons to herself. She shudders and her lungs itch, Cosima finds herself coughing again, reaching for another tissue, to hide this from Delphine as best she can. If only temporarily, it's something.<p>

She glances over at the couch remembering. Delphine consistently wants her, always wet for her, always pulling her closer, always reaching out to touch her. That much must be real. The intellectual chemistry too, shared interests - those aren't faked either. Maybe it doesn't matter how Delphine entered her life. Or that she's already betrayed her twice.  
>Have any of her relationships been real? Untouched by DYAD? Had Kevin been her monitor too? Hannah? Adrian? Laurel? Tia? All of them? What about her friends? The thoughts make Cosima's head spin faster. Have all these things come from Leekie? Set up by Leekie or whoever? Hannah had never really understood her or tried to - confusing her love of research and obsessive nature with having Aspergers. Why had she stayed ten months with her? Lived with her? Another plant in her life? Kevin had been jealous that she generally preferred women, and yet he had stayed over a year, even moving in with her. His choice? Paid off by DYAD? All to permit examination of her in her sleep?<p>

Was Delphine paid extra for sharing her bed? Was that her idea or Leekie's? Was it always a part of the monitor arrangement? If they had been involved why didn't that seem to bother Leekie? He must know... Cosima runs through her theory again. It can't be a particularly emotional attachment, if it even existed...

She coughs again and finds herself more shaken than before, it's getting worse. She manages to catch it in a tissue again. An echo of her own cough comes from the speakers, Jennifer hacking up blood months before.

Cosima hears the slight beep and the click of the latch as Delphine swipes her card and re-enters the lab. As soon as she sets eyes on Delphine she feels herself calming down, maybe there is something she could do tonight. She thinks of her hotel room, the room service - spoiling Delphine and herself while she still has the chance. Why shouldn't she?

Delphine looks her over as she approaches, "Are you cold?" Concern and affection in each word, every expression and gesture.

Her idea forms quickly, Cosima knows how she's going to spend the night. Experiencing as much pleasure with Delphine as possible. Trying as much as Delphine will let her, before time runs out.


	4. Chapter 4

She leaves Felix's in a rush, realizing how long she's been out. She'd left DYAD without Delphine and gone straight to the loft.

Cosima turns her key in the door slowly, she wants to be as quiet as possible. Has Delphine fallen asleep? Is she waiting up?

Her question is answered as soon as the door swings open.

"Where were you? I called your room at the hotel - but there was no answer." Delphine is sitting up on the couch waiting for her, a glass of tea in her hand.

Cosima removes her coat, guiding it into the closet, "I just went out."

Delphine stares at her a moment, and Cosima is sure that Delphine has guessed the truth but she says nothing.

"Do you want dinner? I saved you some." Delphine offers.

"I already ate." Take-out, with Felix, she adds silently to herself.

"Okay." Delphine's fingers run over her mug, she's thinking about something.

"Come on, let's go to bed." Cosima holds out her hand and waits for Delphine to join her, leaving her unfinished tea on the coffee table. It's not even that late... 8 pm maybe? Delphine follows her anyways.

Breathing hurts, Cosima acknowledges as she throws on pyjamas and climbs into bed. Delphine does the same, unspeaking. Is she tired? Suspicious? Cosima shakes her head, she's done with clone stuff for the day.

"Are you tired?" Delphine asks softly from besides her.

"Yeah. Come here, I'm cold." Cosima snuggles herself closer. Delphine is warm, warm enough to keep them both warm.

Delphine lets out a sharp intake of breath at the touch of Cosima's cold feet on her body. But she warms them between her calves regardless.

"Sorry. I know they're freezing. And big." Cosima apologizes sheepishly, with a smile.

"It's okay. Sleep." Delphine strokes her cheek and sighs in response.  
>They lie quietly together for the better part of a half hour. She coughed up blood on Delphine, early this morning, trying to fuck her... should she try?. Will Delphine even let her? Cosima is well aware that she is running out of time - nothing they've look at is promising. All Jennifer's treatments were failures. The original genome is locked in so much secrecy Delphine has never seen it.<p>

Cosima tosses and turns, but beside her is Delphine. Even in the dark, she looks beautiful, feels wonderful... Why shouldn't she try?  
>She reaches out a hand to run down Delphine's side, over the curve of her hip. Only to find that Delphine is tense, completely awake.<p>

"You're awake?" Cosima snuggles herself in closer.

"Yes. Try to sleep." Delphine's hand strokes her face gently. Delphine is wide awake, she's just lying here for me, Cosima realizes.  
>"I don't want to sleep." Cosima leans in for a kiss, softly pressing her lips to Delphine's.<br>When this does not illicit an impassioned response; Cosima teases. Lips venturing to Delphine's cheeks, her forehead, her nose.

Finally, Delphine surges forward to close the gap, claiming her lips with her own and drawing their mouths back together with her hands. Delphine isn't afraid of her coughing up blood, not enough to stop her. She's certain she tastes of blood, but it doesn't stop Delphine. She loves me, a small part of Cosima's mind insists, the thought thrills her and increases the heat pooling at the apex of her thighs.

Cosima enjoys Delphine's hands on her body, cupping her breasts, mapping her skin. She's getting confident, Cosima decides. Her lungs protest slightly, she forces down the urge to cough begging her body not now. Delphine is stripping her of her pyjamas, quick fingers working the tie on her pyjama pants, tossing her own nightgown onto the floor. Even undressed, she waits, kissing until Delphine is no longer tense, but soft, pliant under her hands. Even with the pain in her chest, Delphine seems to able to excite her, hands grazing gently over her skin.  
>Cosima smiles into their kisses, breaking them more often to draw breath. Delphine isn't kissing her as deeply, that seems to be the only difference so far.<p>

Her lungs ache and burn, but she keeps kissing Delphine regardless. Her lips, her neck, her breasts, her shoulders... Cosima wonders when will she finally be too sick for Delphine? How much will Delphine tolerate?

"I'm so wet for you." Delphine groans into her ear, guiding her hand between her own legs. Delphine is always so easily aroused, completely impassioned for her.

"Yeah." Cosima murmurs her response, happily teasing Delphine with feather light touches of her fingers.

Delphine shakes her head, "I never need lube with you." She's almost surprised by her own admission.

"Almost never." Cosima remembers, fisting should be the exception, though Delphine probably could take it; Cosima would never be stupid enough to try.

"Never." Delphine reiterates with a smile, hips jerking up at the touch of her fingers.

"I wouldn't fuck you if you weren't wet, you know." She's stroking at her, almost lazily now, as she begins to kiss down Delphine's body, contently sucking a nipple into her mouth, before firm hands grip her. Mine, she thinks delightedly, swirling her tongue over a hard nipple. She'll have Delphine burning for her long before her tongue parts her.

The hands pull more insistently, "Cosima."

"What is it?" Cosima's head pops up nearly instantly, releasing Delphine's nipple from her mouth.

"I want to have you inside." Delphine's pupils are dilated, breathing coming quickly

"Of course." She's pleased really, with Delphine asserting herself in bed, "Anyway you want."

Her fingers slip inside easily as she adjusts her position to hover over Delphine.

She's inside of her again, moving over Delphine in the dark. It's wonderful, and easy and uncomplicated. Cosima knows too well; she's never been this in love before.  
>She watches Delphine's face, breathless with pleasure, contorting with emotion. Arms locked around Cosima as she writhes beneath her.<p>

"Cosima." Delphine whimpers, and then begins to cry.

Cosima doesn't stop, "I'm here." She reassures her, "Are you okay?"

Delphine nods, continuing to cry, "Baise-moi."

Cosima has no idea when she became so possessive, but she wants to growl 'mine' at Delphine, wants to mark up her skin. The same sort of intense desire to claim Delphine that usually leads to fucking in the lab. Prove that her beautiful, brilliant lover belongs to her, not to DYAD, not to Leekie.

She yields to the urge, ducking her head and furiously sucking Delphine's skin into her mouth until it leaves a deep red mark just above her collarbone. It will bruise, but the thought only heightens her arousal.

Cosima looks down at the mark in satisfaction, Delphine only moans in response, "Mon amour... "

"Tell me you only want me." Cosima pleads, leaning down close over Delphine, bracing her hand on her thigh so that she can thrust in harder.

"Cosima?" Delphine repeats questioning, voice low and hazy, she's still crying.

"Only I get to do this." Cosima groans at Delphine, stroking deeper into her, pressing her palm down to make better contact.

"Only you." Delphine agrees in a whimper, "I only want you inside me." A gentle hand comes up to hold her face close, Delphine's thumb strokes her cheek softly. She feels Delphine's inner muscles tighten around her, holding her deeper.

Cosima whispers, their faces inches apart, her voice low, "Only I get to fuck you." This is ours, just ours, she assures herself.

Delphine's staring at her, flushed, tense and so close, "Seulement toi, mon amour."

Love, she always says 'my love.' Is that what Delphine wants to hear? What she craves? Cosima kisses Delphine's tearstained cheek and whispers in her ear, "Only I get to make love to you."

Delphine comes, clenching around her fingers, letting out a low cry. She cries more if anything, chest heaving on the bed. Cosima rides out her orgasm gently, until Delphine's body relaxes under her own.

"You're so beautiful." Cosima murmurs, cuddling in to Delphine, stroking sweat-slick skin. Delphine cries for a few minutes, clinging to her, coming down. She lets her fingers slip out of Delphine, and brings them to her mouth, she's not shy about this anymore. Cosima happily sucks Delphine's taste off of her fingers and moans.

Delphine looks at her and closes her eyes with a small whimper at the sight.

"Only I get to have you," Cosima whispers again, once her fingers have been sucked clean. Tell me it's only been me, a selfish part of her insists. Assure me I'm not sharing you with your boss. Or anyone, Cosima considers the possibilities. Flings? One-night stands? She's unsure Delphine is the type, she's more introverted than Cosima herself.

"Only you, since the night we first kissed, I promise." Delphine doesn't laugh at her though, doesn't seem desperate at all anymore. Simply strokes her skin lovingly, tenderly. Cosima closes her eyes lazily enjoying it.

"Do you miss it? Men?" Cosima asks on a whim. There are ways she could approximate that kind of stimulation for Delphine, it would involve a trip to a sex shop... but if that would please her it'd be worth it. And kind of fun...

"Non," Delphine assures her between lingering kisses, "I only want you." A hand darts down between her legs, a finger slipping in gently. How does that hurt? It doesn't make any sense. She's wet, she should be able to take two at least. Is it related to her decline? The maturing growths in her uterus? Or does she just need more stimulation than she used to? She's used to a little soreness these days, but this is new. Cosima shakes her head, "Not inside, just touch me." She can work around this, they can work around this.

Delphine withdraws looking almost frightened, brow furrowing in confusion,"Should I...?" Delphine seems to make up her own mind, kissing down her body, throwing the comforter back up over her head.

"Only me, only I get to taste you." Delphine tells her, voice low and breathy. She's taken their little game into her own hands.

"Yes. Only you, Delphine." Cosima whimpers. Cosima throws off the blankets, she needs to see Delphine doing this, Delphine's beautiful face between her legs, she watches Delphine position herself and lower her mouth.

Nothing compares to this: Delphine licking and sucking at her enthusiastically, tenderly. Not caring if she floods her mouth or drenches the sheets. She's not skilled, but Delphine is ardent, affectionate, gentle. Cosima's already cold, her body begins shaking slightly in a way that is not related to an impending climax. Cosima cannot care, not now when she knows Delphine's hips are bucking slightly into the mattress, when she can feel the moans coming from her lips.

Delphine is less tentative now, but still constantly looking up for approval, confirmation that she's doing it right. Like a puppy, Cosima giggles slightly at the thought, the laughter hurts a little too.

Cosima strokes her face, her curls, "You're getting so good at this." It's true, her hips rock gently - she forces herself to keep them gentle to avoid frightening Delphine. There's still pain when she breathes, but this almost entirely chases it away.

She feels Delphine relaxing, she just looks up at her, continuing her efforts, flicking her tongue. Lapping at her like she cannot get enough, Cosima smiles, reaching to entangle her fingers with Delphine's wanting as much connection as possible.  
>Her thighs clamp involuntarily around Delphine's head, but when she looks down at Delphine she sees only excitement and delight reflecting back at her.<p>

Her hips buck up harder than she intends them to, but Delphine is enthralled, fixated on her pleasure. Finally, she shudders as she breaks, coming hard against a persistent mouth.

"Delphine." Cosima moans as a lingering tongue teases her now over-sensitive sex, "Delphine..."

When Delphine kisses her way back up, Cosima wonders again, why does she have to nearly die to have this? It's love, Cosima decides, it has to be. She feels it, Delphine makes sure that she does.

"That was good." Delphine hums, kissing her again, "You taste very good." Delphine grinds down against her skin, her enjoyment completely obvious. Delphine could probably go again, she's become quickly accustomed to multiple orgasms and frequent sex. Which may have been a mistake, Cosima realizes, with her decline accelerating.

Cosima finds her energy completely depleted, her body sore and lungs protesting her rapid breathing. "Not as good as you, Eskimo Pie." Cosima laughs, but feels the tug in her lungs. Fuck.

"Are you alright?" Delphine's hovering stroking at her cheek as her lungs spasm again. A tissue is quickly placed into her hand by Delphine as she coughs uncontrollably for a few seconds. Blood soaks the tissue, it's impossible to deny the truth of her condition.

Still, when she can speak again she reassures Delphine, "I'll be alright."

Delphine smiles, even with worry creasing her face, easing her body down beside Cosima's, "Sleep now."

"Okay." Cosima nods, laying back against her pillow feeling Delphine move to spoon her from behind.

She hears Delphine mumble soothingly "Je vais prendre soin de toi. Sleep."

Cosima falls asleep listening to words she cannot quite understand, but somehow manage to fill her with a deep sense of comfort.


	5. Chapter 5

After leaving Leekie's office Delphine was silent, shaking with what Cosima could only assume was rage. Delphine was many things - sometimes playful, at other times entirely calm, but Cosima had never seen her angry before. At the very least, any thoughts she has ever had of Delphine actually liking Dr. Leekie have vanished almost instantly from her mind.

"Are you alright?" Cosima's hand goes to her lover's shoulder, they gather their belongings to go home, at least for now.

"I have been trying to secure access to data on the original genome for... a very long time." Delphine shakes her head.

"Well that was a waste of time?" Cosima suggests, trying to lighten the mood. "I'll be fine, at least there's a possibly treatment for you." Delphine seems to be reassuring herself as much as Cosima.

Cosima nods, "Experimental. Are you going to do it or does Leekie have to?"

"Aldous will insist on doing the skin test tomorrow morning. But I will insist on doing the full procedure if the tests go well." Delphine responds diplomatically pulling on her gloves.

"Full procedure?" Cosima winces slightly, pulling on her coat as they approach the exit.

"Injecting the stem cells directly into the masses." Delphine clarifies, "Treat the disease at its source." She moves to hold the door for Cosima, it's definitely time to go home.

Cosima grits her teeth, "Which are in my uterus." She doubts Delphine has forgotten that, it's not like they can inject the stem cells into her lungs after all.

"Yes. So I will be doing that procedure, Leekie will not be there. I'm sorry but DYAD's anesthesiologist is male, there's nothing that can be done about that. I can have him leave the room before the procedure begins though." Delphine says this all very quickly, and she's unsure if she is simply planning aloud or wishful thinking that this stem cell line will prove compatible enough.

"Alright." Cosima nods she doesn't want to think about this yet, she hasn't even done the skin test yet, "Let's talk about anything else. What kind of soup did you make?" She turns back to face Delphine on their way down the stairs.

"Butternut squash." Delphine responds, "Recipe from the internet, I've never tried it."

"Sounds good to me." Cosima wraps an arm around Delphine's waist, who leans into the gesture happily, "I emailed my mom today," She volunteers.

"Not waiting for another 'I'm fired' email?" Delphine teases, her own arm going to Cosima's waist as they approach the subway station.

"No, figured I'd head it off before she thinks of it. We all get lost in our own little worlds. My mom, dad and I. House full of introverts, it's always been that way."

"Not as bad as me." Delphine smiles, "Extroverts don't go into research."

Cosima giggles, "I'm serious though, My mom accuses me of falling of the face of the earth, she's just as bad. She gets into some novel or project and does the same thing. Dad too."

"A family trait?" Delphine suggests pleasantly, breaking away to swipe her metropass and continue to the train, she reaches her hand back for Cosima's as soon as they're clear heading for the subway train.

"Definitely environmental... well maybe not entirely," Cosima tilts her head to the side considering, lacing her fingers with Delphine's as they step on to the subway. She's constantly pleased with how little attention they attract in Toronto, she leans over and kisses Delphine's cheek gently.

Delphine smiles in response, "I want to see a picture of your family."  
>Cosima nods, "That can be arranged - I have a good one from my Master's convocation and another of me at ten years old."<p>

"Good." Delphine sighs, "After dinner?"

"Sure." Cosima grins again, "You gonna like seduce me with candles again?"

"Maybe." Delphine teases, keeping their fingers tightly interlaced.

Cosima makes a point of cleaning up after dinner, loading the dishwasher while Delphine browses through the small collection of photographs on her laptop. She coughs and wipes up the blood with a tissue, if Delphine notices she pretends not to fixated on her computer screen.

"Oh. You were cute." Delphine smiles, Cosima doesn't need to see to know what picture she is referring to. She can picture it in her mind, herself at ten years old, dark curly hair in braids, her greying but beaming older parents on either side of her. Although her parents look little like her, her mother's smile was exactly like her own.

"Ah yes, the pre-glasses years. Didn't get these til high school." Cosima rounds the kitchen to meet Delphine on the couch.

"Where was this taken?" Delphine asks.

"Umm some park or something? It was my dad's birthday and they wanted a professional family shot." Cosima tries to think back to that day, sliding onto the couch, legs under her, almost perched next to Delphine.

"Do you have any more?" Delphine still browsing through her photos folder. More recent photos, of friends, convocations, "You don't have many photos."  
>"I know, I don't take many. As for the childhood stuff, my mom sent me this a while back as a reminder to call more often. I think there's a baby picture on here somewhere too - she sent that one during my master's with a message of 'I fed you at my breast', you know, just a little guilting to get me to call her back." Cosima gestures laughing pleasantly, "So when do I get to see a picture of little Delphine?"<p>

Delphine shakes her face smiling, "I don't have any. They are all in France and would have to be scanned. I do not think my mother even knows how to use a scanner."

"Hmm too bad. I bet you were ridiculously adorable." Cosima leans in to kiss Delphine's shoulder, open mouthed and teasing. Her arms go automatically to drag her lover into a closer embrace, her mouth tracing patterns on skin through the thin fabric of Delphine's blouse.

"Non." Delphine extricating herself from her arms, getting to her feet.

"Okay." Cosima nods, "Is something wrong?"

"I need a shower." Delphine gets to her feet and makes her way back to the bedroom.

Cosima hums excitedly, "Sounds fun... wait are you mad about something?" Delphine has never refused her before, it leaves her hurt and wondering. Illness? Exhaustion? Something else entirely? She has begun to count the days in Delphine's menstrual cycle by the time Delphine speaks again, hesitating outside the door to the bathroom.

"Non, are you still mad about Scott?" Delphine's head quickly turns, tossing highlighted curls.

Cosima shakes her head, "No... I get it. I just don't know how it can be good for him to be involved with DYAD. We are like crazy sketchy... I mean I was only half-joking about them killing his family."

"They won't, as long as he keeps to his confidentiality agreement he'll probably be fine. And he already knows about the clones, and we need someone who can sequence genomes."

"I know, I know." Cosima repeats, the mood broken, "Go shower I'll finish cleaning up."

Delphine vanishes and she hears the sound of water running, but somehow even after she finishes cleaning up, Cosima feels unwelcome. She hesitates outside the bathroom door before returning to the kitchen. She tries to convince herself it's simple exhaustion on Delphine's part. Her coughing is always worse at night, this Cosima knows well, but with Scott around lab sex is rather suddenly a thing of the past.

She showers once Delphine has entered the bedroom, closing the door behind her. All very strange.

When she dresses for bed, she crawls in next to Delphine, laying simple kisses on her forehead, making Delphine smile and gasp. We're still okay, Cosima thinks to herself, moving a hand to grasp a hip. She knows she's nearly completely drained, but she still wants to feel close to Delphine. She knows she's just awake enough for a little sex before bed, or will be once they get going. Cosima assumes with Delphine touching her she'll quickly get excited enough.

"Non. I'm tired." Delphine gently brushes her hand down Cosima's shoulder, "I just want to sleep."

"Okay that's fine." Cosima shakes her head lying down next to Delphine with a smile. Their days are long. She's increasingly tired, why wouldn't Delphine be too?

"Do you want me to hold you?" Delphine asks, leaning over slightly, as if wondering how much space she should leave between the two of them.

"Of course." Cosima moves to lie in Delphine's arms, "Like this?" She cannot logically doubt Delphine's desire for her, but not being wanted weighs somewhat heavily. Too sick, her mind throws out the words, Delphine knows you're getting too sick. Cosima nestles back into Delphine's body, taking whatever comfort she can from their proximity.  
>"Yes." Delphine's eyes close, as she snuggles in comfortably, "I like holding you." Delphine murmurs softly.<br>There is no noticeable health difference though, Cosima considers, from two days ago. She shifts slightly, "Was it the talking about my mom thing?" Is that a big enough turn-off for Delphine? It wasn't last time she'd spoken about her parents.  
>Delphine sighs, "No, I told you, I'm tired." An arm closes around her from behind and lips softly peck her neck, "Get some sleep."<p>

She is undeniably tired, just beginning to drift off when she finds herself muttering, "Have you ever really been the cold turkey asshole?"

"In a relationship? Or dating?" Delphine yawns, answering sleepily, "Yes."

"Oh." Cosima responds, too close to sleep to truly be concerned by Delphine's response. She drifts off in Delphine's embrace.

When she wakes during the night, hacking and spluttering up blood, Delphine is still there. A soft but firm hand on her back, a tissue brought to her face.

Relief floods her when the fit stops, she can see the same relief reflecting in Delphine's eyes, her expression, even in the shadowy grey of the early morning. 


	6. Chapter 6

"Get out." Cosima hollers again as Delphine quickly leaves the lab at a half-run. Seemingly cowering away from her rage, and her own guilt.

"Are you stupid?!" She exclaims to no one in particular, kicking over a trash can in the lab. It makes a satisfying crash on the lab floor. She has no idea if Delphine has heard her, or if she's already taken off. For another lab? Leekie's office? To what? Inform him that she has been rejected by her subject? That Cosima now knew about Kira's stem cells? Scott had left quickly, intent on being anywhere else away from the two of them. The lab was hers alone, for the moment anyways.

She slams her hands down on a table in frustration. There's nothing she can do now. Kira's stem cells have already been injected into the masses in her uterus. And Delphine had just sat with her, stroked her skin, kissed her lips, and held her hand throughout the entire procedure. The tech's discomfort at their obvious intimacy of no concern to either of them. And Delphine had known; Kira's stem cells, Kira's tooth. Cosima begins to cry, hot angry tears sliding down her cheeks as she rights the garbage can and sits down on the rug, leaning back on the couch. Her hands burn slightly, it's good to hurt somewhere else.

Delphine had booked the procedure, taken her to the surgical area - and guided her through anesthetic, holding her hand as some strange anesthesiologist, who almost certainly knew about the clones, stuck a large needle into her spine. Afterwards, Delphine had shooed him out, calling in the tech. She'd just laid there, numb from the chest down, unable to move her feet while Delphine guided them into stirrups and the tech set up her equipment. Cosima had just lain there, trusting Delphine, wanting her to help her, sit with her...

She has never felt as violated, her ability to consent to the procedure was negligible - unknown cells, multinational corporation - she'd bought into the bullshit. Why had she never though about it? She'd thought of Delphine's touch during the test, during the full procedure, as saying 'you are human, you are loved'. Bullshit, Cosima scoffs at it now. Delphine hadn't even let her make her own informed decision about treatment.

Only words then, 'I didn't and I won't'. She'd promised not to go near Kira, promised she hadn't told Leekie about Kira. Was that a lie, too? Cosima considers a moment, her rage slowing simmering down to a more sustainable kind of anger.

Why couldn't she understand? Delphine was going to ruin everything, how can she let herself be with someone she cannot trust? Love is no excuse, Cosima muses sadly. Putting Kira and Sarah at risk for what? Some slight chance that there might be some improvement in her condition? That the masses would reduce in size? What good would it really do if she already has lung polyps? If it has spread beyond her lungs and uterus?

"Stupid woman." Cosima mutters, unsure if she is speaking about Delphine or herself. If Delphine cannot see that her sisters need to be protected, if she cannot see that Cosima needs to be able to trust her. She feels her body shudder and tries to force the feeling back down.

Cosima coughs violently for several seconds, catching the blood in her hand this time. Fuck. She stands, moving to the sink to wash it off. She watches the blood wash down the drain, soaping her hands to remove all traces. She adjusts the lock, removing Delphine from the list of those permitted entry, now a list of two- Cosima Niehaus and Scott Smith. Though she's already fairly certain that Delphine will be able to override the door, she has to show Delphine that this is not okay, that betraying her trust, violating her body, is unacceptable.

Her laptop pings, she glances then packs it up without reading it. Not Delphine, the disappointment filling her completely unwelcome, but undeniable. Email from her dad can wait until later. She doesn't want to work, or do anything, she throws her stuff in her bag haphazardly and tosses it onto the couch before storming out of the lab empty handed. Shit. Oh well.

She'll have to call Sarah, have to tell her about the tooth, about the stem cell match. Impulsivity, Cosima reminds herself - she'll wait until she's had time to cool down a little, to think. She's left her bag behind, but she has the keycard for the hotel. Good enough, she decides.

Cosima walks to the hotel, wanting to pretend that she's healthy, that she won't double up coughing. She gives up after a block and hails a cab, at the hotel she draws the curtains closed, and curls up on her bed. It's still afternoon, but exhaustion claims her anyways.

When she wakes it's already dark out, mercifully it's not that late, just winter. Cosima heads back to the lab to collect her laptop and other belongings. She eyes the phone and menu, considering room service, but doesn't have enough of an appetite to really justify ordering food. Even if it is DYAD's money. She takes the metro, her coughing draws a few glances but no one stops to talk to her, or notices when she wipes blood on her red coat. Though no one wants to get too close to her, probably assuming that she's contagious. Exhaustion has seeped into her bones, Cosima wonders if this is her new normal, only so many 'good hours' a day.

The facts present themselves more clearly now, she doesn't want to die, Cosima knows that much. Kira may be the last hope of keeping her alive long enough to figure out a cure. The stem cells were from the pulp of baby teeth? She could justify that, maybe... is that what Delphine did? Kira may be losing them anyways at eight years old. Sarah may consent to what? Mail one in with no return address?

She'll need to tell Sarah, what if it's Alison next? Any of them could develop the same symptoms. It's all of them, Cosima knows, their fates are linked. It sounds so poetic, she giggle to herself. Their collective biological imperative is now survival? Treatment should have been her decision, weighed out carefully and cleared with Sarah, but it's what she needs to survive.

She arrives at DYAD, it takes her longer than it used to climbing the steps. Cosima curses as she climbs the steps, it seemed easier this morning. She scans in, and security notes her presence but no one stops her. She heads directly for the lab, sighing with relief when she sees it's empty. Delphine hasn't tried to get in, she's gone home.

Cosima grabs her vapourizer from her bag, and digs out her stash from a small zippered compartment. She goes through the plan, call Sarah, self-medicate, go eat something, back to the hotel to sleep. Definitely going to cab it this time, DYAD can pick up the bill. It's their fault she's sick after all... well probably.

Strangely, she wants Delphine to bother her. Call, text, or something. Cosima knows she wouldn't answer but wants to be...wanted. Apologized to? Or something... Last time Delphine had come to her - maybe tomorrow she'll show up again. Give her a chance to show her anger, her displeasure. Cosima wonders how long she'll hold out for, trying to shut Delphine out of the lab, her life...

Looking around the lab it's impossible to not think of Delphine. She can still picture Delphine taking her on the couch, or what Delphine looks like when she's about to come, legs open and quivering around her head. Delphine clutching at her, mouth moving wordlessly. Calling her 'mon amour'. Cooking for her. Cuddling her. Fetching the take-out and whatever else she asks her for. It's obvious Delphine loves her, she's not in denial about that.

Is that why? Bamboozling her into a treatment she would have refused on principle? Is she deluding herself? Does she crave Delphine's love that much? If it had only been sex, she never would have let her back in after the first betrayal. She's still furious, bitter - she's not sure if she'll forgive again. Delphine's deception may ruin them altogether. Cosima shakes her head slowly, resting her head in her hands, she is not exactly in denial about her own feelings either, even now. Love. Stupid... she tells herself.

Cosima shakes her head and picks up her green phone. It's time to call Sarah. She'll figure the rest out in the morning.


	7. Chapter 7

"What did you do?" Cosima props herself up, blinking to get a better look at Delphine. She's just close enough to be seen without glasses. She's slept several hours, oxygen easing her breathing more than she wants to admit.

Delphine is still at the edge of her bed... and Cosima is suddenly certain that she is crying.

"It's Kira." Delphine manages between sobs, her shoulders shaking. Even concerned, Cosima cannot bring herself to be angry at Delphine - if she looks that upset it can't be something Delphine wanted. Please, please let her just be the bearer of bad news, Cosima pleads silently with the universe. Or let Kira have had an allergic reaction to a pain killer or the food colouring in the hospital jello and just need epinephrin, some anti-histamines and an extra day or two in the hospital. Or wherever they're doing the bone marrow draw. She doesn't know, only Delphine knows. It was supposed to be safe that way.

"No." Cosima cannot stop the words from slipping from her mouth, she sits up abruptly, ignoring her exhaustion, "What happened to Kira?  
>"I... Rachel took her." Delphine sobs, "And it's my fault."<p>

"Fuck... Delphine." Cosima's palm goes instantly to her face, "How? You told me it would be safe, that Kira was safe, that you were the only contact."

Delphine sobs again, head titling forward and curls hiding her face, "I found an open email in Aldous' office" Delphine pauses to sob again before correcting herself, "Rachel's office, on Siobhan's... friend Benjamin. I thought DYAD had got to him, I had to warn Sarah. I thought..." She breaks off again.

Cosima blinks her eyes, in confusion slightly, "Okay, Delphine please just like get to the part about Kira. It's kind of late for me right now."

"Rachel took her." Delphine chokes back tears, "C'est ma faute."

"Why? Did you help her?" Cosima manages in disbelief, she cannot picture Delphine purposely putting Kira at risk. "You were supposed to be the only one who knew where Kira was, to get the bone marrow. It's done - it's being processed."

"No, I went to warn Sarah, and Rachel followed me. She took Kira while Sarah was with me."

"Fuck... just fuck..." Cosima reaches for her glasses, not because she needs them to see Delphine, but out of habit. To try to wake herself up more fully, as she pulls herself up into a sitting position.

"I'm sorry." Delphine sobs again, "I thought..."  
>"You thought that Rachel was above deception? Above using you as a pawn?"<p>

Delphine nods, then shakes her head, "I didn't think..."

"Yeah. Obvs." Cosima says harshly, but reaches out a shaky hand to clasp Delphine's own, "So what do we do now?" The only thing they can do, try to move forward, try to fix this - if they can.  
>"I don't know. Rachel has Kira. Sarah will probably kill me, if Rachel doesn't..."<p>

"Okay. Woah. Holy shit, let's slow down with the killing you assumption, alright? What do we know?"

"Rachel has Kira. She's brought her to DYAD - I don't know where."

"Okay." Cosima keeps her fingers entwined with Delphine's own. "Can you find out where Kira is? Can you get her out?"

"I don't know."

"Okay... where's Sarah in all this?"

Delphine shrugs, "I don't know."

"Okay. We'll have to figure this out." Cosima's mind spins, weighing out scenarios.

"I don't think she's going to let us do the transplant. I don't... I don't know what she'll do next."  
>"Okay."<p>

"I'm sorry. Je m'excuse." Delphine lays a gentle kiss to her cheek, "Aldous - Dr. Leekie - I could predict somewhat but Rachel..."

"Yeah. You don't know her nearly as well. I get it." Cosima nods not wanting to engage on the subject of their dead boss, "I don't think we can assume anything."

"Cosima, your body is failing. Your lungs are permanently damaged. Your kidneys are going - you're probably going to need dialysis soon." Delphine's still crying, unable to hide the tears on her face or the hitch of her shoulders.

Cosima clears her throat, "Let's focus on Kira. And Sarah... what can we do? What else do we know?" Something they might be able to achieve, something that would help her sisters - especially if soon she won't...

"Cosima." Delphine shakes her head, "I may be able to do something, but I tried to defy Rachel. I do not know what she will do to me. Or to you." Delphine realizes already, Cosima realizes, that Rachel will probably punish both of them.

"To us, you mean, all of us." Cosima sighs, sitting up and drawing Delphine into her arms as best as she can. She doesn't want to shake, but she cannot stop her hands from trembling slightly. "I love you, you know... I didn't just say it because I was high."

Delphine firmly cups her cheek in her hand, holding her eyes, "Je t'aime, Cosima."

"I'm not going to ruin you, Delphine, you tried to help. Even if it was, you know, badly." Cosima runs a shaky hand down the curve of Delphine's back. "I don't really have the time to ruin your career." She smirks slightly, trying to make a joke of it.

"I'm going to get your transplant booked as soon as I can," Delphine promises.

"Yeah I know, don't worry about it. We need to do something. We need a plan." Cosima states decisively, "First priority is doing something about Kira. We can probably wrangle Scott into helping us too."

Delphine's phone dings, indicating a text message or an email has been received. When Delphine looks at it she looks more upset if anything.

"What this time?"

"Mass email from Rachel; Sarah has...turned herself in." Delphine voice betrays shock.

Cosima's mind whirls uncontrollably for a few moments, "Kinda makes sense. They took Kira... she's probably... mass email?" Their collective predisposition to impulsivity strikes again, she notes wryly.

"To the DYAD doctors, nurses, techs. Anyone who might work with Sarah. And me... probably so I'll pass along the message."

"Shit... shit... shit." Cosima allows her forehead to drop to Delphine's shoulder, "What are they going to do to her?"

Delphine hesitates, as if she knows she'll be incriminating herself by speaking, "Dr. Nealon is in charge of Sarah. They'll probably test her, take a medical history and try to figure out when she'll ovulate. And why she's not infertile."

"So... they're going to try to breed her?" Cosima cuts right to the chase, no sense hovering around the point.

"They might," Delphine admits readily, "She is the only fertile clone. They may want-"  
>She interrupts impatiently, "Another Kira? Or take an ova to make an embryo - have a surrogate carry it. Retain control of the child for study." Cosima allows the scientist in herself to take over, to state it simply, the probably experiment.<p>

Delphine is silent, "Probably." She nods finally making a judgment call on whomever is involved.

"Yeah. I know." Cosima sighs, "And now DYAD has access to her ovaries... And Kira."

"No... we'll do something. Figure out something." Delphine promises.

"Yeah, should be easy, free Kira and Sarah and keep Sarah's people from murdering you." Cosima falls into sarcasm easily, as some weird line of defense.  
>"Cosima." Delphine chides her.<p>

She stops, suddenly serious, "Do you think they'll blame you or Rachel?"

"Both probably." Delphine sighs, "I need sleep. And so do you Cosima."

"A few hours and then back to plotting? I'll talk to Felix, do what I can, okay?"

"Yes. Rest now. You need your rest. " Delphine nods, making her way to the couch, Cosima doubts either of them will get much sleep after this.

She drifts in and out on consciousness, looking over at their couch to see if Delphine is still there. Cosima is calmed somewhat by seeing her lover moving restlessly on the couch. The sun is barely up when a security guard enters their lab, sparing only a momentary glance at Cosima on the gurney.

Delphine squeezes Cosima's hand briefly before stepping away, "Yes? What do you want?

"Dr. Cormier? Come with me." The guard is curt, seemingly bored or annoyed by his task.

"Of course." Delphine nods, playing the role of employee and striding out after the guard.

"I'll see you later Delphine." Cosima calls after her as Delphine exits the lab. There's a sense of dread at their separation - though she won't be alone for long - Scott and Ethan Duncan will be in before long.

There's an excitement Cosima cannot deny at the prospect, learning more about about her synthetic sequences, the cloning project. Her answers - the only answers she may ever get about her body, her biology, her sisters... are finally in reach. Hopefully Delphine will be back by then too.

She lets exhaustion claim her, sleeping for another few hours until Scott wakes her.

"You up for some work?" Scott asks gently, looking at her as if trying to assess her fragility.

Scott pauses, "There's a guard outside the lab. Just so you know."

"Have you seen Delphine?"

"No." Scott answers uncomfortably, "I haven't seen her."

"Shit. I was..." Cosima trails off, moving to sit up on the gurney, "Hoping she'd be back by now. Rachel called for her an hour ago."

"Rachel, that's the pro-clone right?"

"Yeah. The scary emotionless one that is basically running DYAD right now."

"Awesome... I mean really not good." Scott awkwardly bumbles over his words, "Clones awesome. You're awesome. Scary clone who might have us killed not awesome."

"Yeah. That's it Scotty." Cosima pats his shoulder, "You get that thing together I'm going to try to clean up a bit."

"Are you worried about Delphine? I mean don't they need her? She's the expert on your illness."

"Yeah. We need her." Cosima brushes him off, "Let's just get to work, okay?"

She denies it as long as she can, until the guard tells her Dr. Nealon is now in charge of her. Until she receives a cryptic email from Delphine, disguised as Eskimo Pie, with Rachel's schedule. Delphine gone. She refuses to accept it.

There's too much to do now, they have to do something to Sarah before Nealon removes her ovary, try to comfort Kira - an eight year old who should never have been dragged into this. It's not until later she has to face it, Delphine is gone.

FIN


End file.
